After 36 years from the first loss, 28 years from the second one and 16 years from the last one, I start mourning.
My father, my brother and the last one, my mother they are gone from this world, and I remained alone until 10 years ago. No regrets, no feelings about my losses, everything was inside, deeply hidden inside in order to gave the power I need to go further.
Every-time, my attention was not to lose what God gave me 10 years ago. I lost myself, I lost everything inside and all me was with my beloved ones, my daughter and my wife.
One piece of paper, on a Sunday morning changed everything. it was paper announcement when my father past away. I have found this piece of paper, in a big box with all my lost family pictures somewhere hidden in the house.
When I start reading this, the birthday of my father (imagine how deeply the suffer was hidden inside me that until then I didn’t remember my father birthday), start something inside me. My dear father birthday is the same day when my daughter came in this world. And that information was the spark.
A litle bit of surprise and then the suffer starts coming outside. Memories are coming one by one, the suffer amplifies. The cry was also painfull. Imagine crying for 5 hours without stoping one second. The stomach feels empty, the knees are suffering even I was sitting, and the pain was coming outside.
From that time, on a beautifull Sunday until this moment I’m still ourning. Everything I do, everywhere I go, the paing is still coming and I start feeling the sadness coming from these losses.
I don’t know when the pain will go. Right now I’m moruning about them. And it’s feeling good.