for 5 mourning days I was here…

I’m mourning

After 36 years from the first loss, 28 years from the second one and 16 years from the last one, I start mourning.

My father, my brother and the last one, my mother they are gone from this world, and I remained alone until 10 years ago. No regrets, no feelings about my losses, everything was inside, deeply hidden inside in order to gave the power I need to go further.

Every-time, my attention was not to lose what God gave me 10 years ago. I lost myself, I lost everything inside and all me was with my beloved ones, my daughter and my wife.

One piece of paper, on a Sunday morning changed everything. it was paper announcement when my father past away. I have found this piece of paper, in a big box with all my lost family pictures somewhere hidden in the house.

When I start reading this, the birthday of my father (imagine how deeply the suffer was hidden inside me that until then I didn’t remember my father birthday), start something inside me. My dear father birthday is the same day when my daughter came in this world. And that information was the spark.

A litle bit of surprise and then the suffer starts coming outside. Memories are coming one by one, the suffer amplifies. The cry was also painfull. Imagine crying for 5 hours without stoping one second. The stomach feels empty, the knees are suffering even I was sitting, and the pain was coming outside.

From that time, on a beautifull Sunday until this moment I’m still ourning. Everything I do, everywhere I go, the paing is still coming and I start feeling the sadness coming from these losses.

I don’t know when the pain will go. Right now I’m moruning about them. And it’s feeling good.



Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store